By Isaac Lungu
1. Bathroom Break away: Her friends keep showing up every time you talk to her and drag her away to the bathroom. This is no coincidence, especially if this happens every time you try to talk to her! Her bladder is not that small!
2. The Gauntlet: You are in a crowd and try to approach her and mysteriously all her friends approach you and try to “get to know you” better. Chances are they are giving her time to pull a Houdini and disappear. At the end of the gauntlet you find only archaeological evidence she was ever there.
3. The ignore button: When you call her, her phone goes to voice mail after 4-6 rings. It takes about 2 rings for your phone to connect and about 1-2 for her to react. So chances are she hit the “ignore button” man, sorry. You could leave a message or just come to terms with the fact that she is just not into you.
4. Forgetting: She makes plans with you then pretends to have forgotten. When you think of her brain…think “elephant brain”.
5. I’ll just go ahead and reschedule: She cancels plans frequently. Females have a hierarchy of people and plans. In this instance you are probably just in her lowest tier. Anything that comes up will result in a cancellation. Even re-run of old Steven Seagal movies.
6. The “1 step”: Every girl has a personal space. If you take one step towards her and she takes 1 step away, it’s not really a dance, its more like she just ain’t into you. If she really dislikes you, she may even do this subconsciously even if you are not in the same room or even in the same state for that matter.
7. Friend request pending: If you continuously friend request her and you get no response, there is no Facebook malfunction!! She’s ALWAYS online!. In fact she was probably on when you requested her saying, “not this jackass again!”
8. Mr perfectly not you: If her description of her perfect man is directly opposite to you. For example if you are a short, red headed, Irish male and she says, “I just wanna meet a tall, black, muscular, NBA player that doesn’t eat potatoes.” I think the writing is on the wall buddy.
9. Humor me!: She doesn’t laugh at your jokes. It has nothing to do with your actual jokes. You are probably not funny anyhow. If she likes you, she will laugh, its flirtatious. If she always has THE look on her face. The one that makes her look as if she is in a concentration camp then you should reconsider things.
10. Superotherman: She keeps talking about another guy like he is a superhero i.e. he’s funnier than you, smarter than you, he has x-ray vision, he can fly etc. She may not dislike you, but you are probably the designated gay friend (DGF). You have zero sexual threat (sad I know).
COMING SOON: “You know he’s not into you stop trying!!” TBA
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About the Author
Isaac Lungu (Africanlegend) is the Webmaster of Stuff-about (SLACKERS ONLY!!) – Stuff-about.com is filled with hilariously funny and satirical articles for those of us pretending to be busy at work. Designed for the professional slacker! Wonderfully written by a self proclaimed expert and his panel of consultants.
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